It is not always easy to say good-by as we acknowledge the passing of my mother-in-law Elsie. But it is a good thing to take time to reflect and contemplate the essence of who she was and the impact that she had in the world around her. Because of Elsie’s 90 years of life, marriage of 65+ years, 10 children, 31 grandchildren, 39 great grandchildren, her talents, her labors, and her prayers the world around her was greatly impacted and she will not be soon forgotten. I believe what makes her impact, so overwhelmingly positive, stems from a decision she made as a young lady to commit her life to her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Elsie became a living testimony of the grace and mercy of God. Her faith sustained her through good times and bad. The love of Christ lived through her defined her relationships with people. Her utmost concern was for their salvation. She strove to live a holy life and encouraged others to do so likewise.
As a son-in-law living 2000 miles away I saw her from afar. Much of my personal insights were seen through the eyes of my wife. It is possible though that there are some things that can be more clearly seen from afar and those that are closest would have to take a step or two back to see them.
As we memorialize Elsie we tend to focus on the good memories, and rightly so. This should be our focus, but it may also be necessary to reconcile those things that are not so pleasant in our memories. Families are made up of individuals and incidents or words can have different or even opposite effects on different members. Often individuals feel that they are neglected, misunderstood, or marginalized. Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but there can and should be healing.
I believe that Elsie’s foremost concern in life was the salvation of her children and grandchildren. Secondarily I think she would have desired peace. Peace between her children and peace between herself and each individual child or grandchild. Misunderstandings are inevitable for several reasons. For one we do not always communicate well. Another reason is that we as people have a tendency to interpret what people say rather than take their words at face value. We also all view life from our distinct perspective that is often times distorted by our own selfishness. Elsie probably was guilty of misunderstanding and misjudging her children’s actions and motives just like the rest of us. And likewise her words and actions were probably misunderstood and misjudged many times. There is only one solution to all of this that I know of and that is; A heart of thanks giving and a spirit of forgiveness.
As I visited Glen and Elsie last March Elsie shared with me her confidence that her marriage to Glen was God’s will. Now I know that life has not always been smooth for them, nor has it always been easy. But as I watched as this couple interacted with each other after 65 years of marriage it was obvious that they had a deep love one for another. Their secret is this: A commitment to God and each other, a heart of thanksgiving and a spirit of forgiveness. If we are willing to forgive, God will also forgive us. Elsie knew this and practiced it. Elsie rests in peace for she has been forgiven.
Several years ago while reflecting on my own marriage I tried to capture this thought in a poem.
Time
Years have stretched the fabric
Of which God has made us one.
Yet the thread of Love is stronger
And the knot has not come undone.
Times relentless marching
Has now become our friend
Because thanksgiving and forgiveness
Triumph in the end.
Greater blessings lie ahead
More than we can afford
For Christ is yet our Savior
Great and gracious Lord
I believe I witnessed God’s continued working to answer Elsie’s prayers for her family as He brought us all together to bid her farewell. Her prayer I believe was that we would live holy lives, be at peace with God, and live that testimony before all men. And by God’s grace all of her children and grandchildren would be united with her in heaven to live with God forever- more.
Bob Gunderson